I’ve been pondering seriously studying psychology for over a year now. Some days, I feel so impatient to study it that I have to calm myself down. I have a lot of anxiety and disappointment about my career life, mostly because I didn’t pursue a psychology degree in the first place.
I chose general science in college and I knew that it wasn’t my forte, but I am proud of myself for completing it regardless, and my summer jobs at the research lab were my best positions ever.
What drew me to psychology? It was actually an elective that I took in first year called motivational psychology, and I loved it. It was the one class that I didn’t wander away into my Paracosm or fantasize about whoever I was interested in at the time.
I would have changed majors, but living at home and being raised under the idea that psychology was basically a pseudo science (I never believed that), I put it off and put it off. I won’t blame anyone for my choice not to study psychology, because at any point in the past, I could have. I could do it next year if I want to.
I am going to do it. The thought of studying mental illnesses and brain function, reading text books about psychological theories, and writing essays about the mind and effects of social behavior turns my crank. It isn’t so much of a loss that I’ve waited until now to embrace that I want a Masters, possibly a doctorate, in Psychology, because I’m going to work my ass off knowing how long it’s taken me to get there.
I want to get more into the research end, likely doing studies and research projects at a university and possibly some patient work as well. I could teach it as well or be a guidance counsellor, but research will be my main career goal.
I’m going to do it. Now all I have to do is get ready to apply. Dig up that high school transcript, write an essay about why I wish to apply as a mature student, and decide on the universities that offer the best programs. I can take out another loan, but that doesn’t bother me, because this time, I’ll get a job that pays enough to pay them off. Even if I were in debt for another 10 years, at least I’d be doing what I love.
I never saw myself having kids and now it’s actually clear why. I’ll be a student for the next 8 years if I become a doctor. I’ll be forty when I get my career, but I’ll still have at least 25 years left in the working world. If I ever do meet someone, they’ll probably be very intellectual and enjoy living on less and they won’t want kids either, because I don’t give a shit about having a family or a house. I just want to write stories and know as much as I can about the mind… And maybe love and be loved while doing so.