Well, I am going to try a little experiment. Since, so far, therapy has not worked very well and antidepressants did not work at all, other than the first two weeks of feeling… almost unemotional… I want to try some self-therapy and see how it works. I will document my progress, and determine if it has proven to be more beneficial than talk/cognitive therapy. I’m not doing this to take emphasis away from medication and therapy, because I do believe that those things do benefit some people. It is to show that there may be a different approach that could help someone like me – a creative, emotional, and thinker type of person.
One thing I have noticed, is that watching documentaries and vlogs about depressed/bipolar people can often make me feel worse about my condition. This is especially true when they are speaking about a young person who has committed suicide. It makes me feel vulnerable, like I might be the next suicide victim. I think that for now, I need to focus on life outside of my illness in order to help stabilize my mind and mood.
What Triggers My Anxiety/Depressive/Suicidal Episodes
1) Feeling Trapped
2) Living With People (Which Also Makes Me Feel Trapped)
3) Working In A Job I Am Not Satisfied With
4) Feeling Controlled (Living Or Working With Controlling People, Receiving Interrogation Texts From Parents, etc.)
5) Being Unable To Write Because Of Social/Work Obligations
6) Too Much Sunlight
7) Certain Social Interactions (Feeling Centered Out For Being Different, Being Abandoned By People, Feeling Alone Because Of Differing Values/Intelligence, Being Used By Men, Being Forced To Talk For Prolonged Periods)
What I’m Going To Do For Therapy
1) Use The “Mindfulness” exercise given to me by my therapist. I will do these every day beginning tomorrow morning.
2) Eat a balanced diet, free of soft drinks and excessive sugar. Starting tomorrow!
3) Exercise – Aerobics, Walking, and Swinging. Starting tomorrow.
4) Move To My Own Place – Where I am free to live in peace, tranquility, and creativity. In two weeks or so.
5) Connect with like-minded people and establish meaningful friendships with people who are about me.
6) Do NOT focus on my depression. Write fiction, watch documentaries that uplift my mood.
7) Dye my hair, purchase a couple of spring outfits to freshen my look and outlook on life.
8) Find a job where I feel less stressed. A job I will wake up and be excited to start the day at.
I’ve noticed my mood has improved with the warmer weather. So, clearly, winter emphasizes my depression. My doctor has already suggested that I move to a warmer climate before next winter, so I will be doing that as well.
***If you are currently feeling depressed, hopeless, or anxious, I want you to know that you are not alone. If you would like, please follow my blog and I will keep you posted on my progress and I will post helpful tips that will also help you. Xx