Three posts in one day. Wow. I promise to pace myself from now on. But what do you do when you have things on your mind and you need to get them out? I can’t post things like this on my writing blog. I have a good writer following on there and they might think I’m a little bit of a nut. (I accidentally published this one there a few mintues ago… OMG). Oh, right, I suppose I could write in a journal…
Anyway, I am sure that everyone going through a religion withdrawal goes through a lot of emotional turmoil and conflicting ideas. I mean, if you’ve been a Christian since you were a child, letting go of God is going to be difficult as an adult.
One of the things that made me never even question my faith is a particular story that my Mom read to me one day a few years back. It is the same story that my old Pastor read to me before I left the church on not the best of terms. He was actually pretty sure that I would finally “blaspheme the Holy Ghost” if I left the church. He also said I had a demon on me because I disagreed with his legalistic view about women. Haha. A demon.
This infamous story is of a woman going to hell because she rejected Jesus knowing exactly what she was doing. This wasn’t a “baby Christian”. In fact, she was “filled with the spirit” and understood the Word of God. I know that none of this is real, but poison like this will stick with you for a while, unfortunately.
In no way does my story resemble this woman’s story, just to be clear. But it seems to be a favourite example of Christians familiar with the famous preacher Kenneth E. Hagin.
You can tell just by reading it that it is made up. Even the way they described the woman as “Not wanting Jesus anymore” doesn’t line up with how an atheist (Oh shit, I said it.) feels upon leaving their faith.
It isn’t a matter of denying Jesus or hating God at all. It is a matter of observing what is said and studying the contradictions, the people that voted what books should be added into the Bible, the countless scientific errors, etc. In fact, many people who leave Christianity do so kicking and screaming like I did. I would love for Jesus to really exist. but it isn’t real.
Anyway, here’s the stupid story.
There, it’s been said.
A few people on The Thinking Atheist forum I’m a member of are all like, “You sound like an Agnostic Athiest to me.” But I shake my head. I can’t go there yet. I mean, we can’t prove that there isn’t a God, and I don’t want to piss one off if there is. I know, it’s fear talking. I think I’m smarter than this, but I’m also not going to throw the possibility away.
Though, if there is a deity out there, they don’t seem to care one way or another or there wouldn’t be so many religions and so many cruel, disgusting things that happen to perfectly good people, everywhere in the world.
For now, I’m just an Agnostic. And that’s okay!