Losing faith in God and Jesus has been very hard for me. Yet, now I feel freer to think and act on things that I would have been discouraged to do before – like speak out for women’s rights, focus on helping wildlife and ecosystems, write books for people in search of hope without scaring them with a religious message, etc. Interestingly, I still hold very similar morals that I did before. I don’t think that being an Agnostic is an excuse to lie, sleep around, get drunk, get high, etc.
The song, “Faceless”, by Red speaks to me so much right now. To me, it represents the separation from a God I thought lived inside of my heart from the time I was small. Despite my cries for Him to reveal Himself to me, He has not answered. It feels like a death of a loved one. It is.
“I’m not, I’m not myself
Feel like I’m someone else
Fallen and faceless
So hollow, hollow inside
A part of me is dead
Need You to live again
Can you replace this
I’m hollow, hollow and faceless.”
And then I realized… of course I have a face. I always have. I just don’t use a crutch anymore.